


Hang On

by maniacal_laughter



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Angst, Depression, M/M, Male Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), Miqo'te Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-20
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2020-12-24 15:54:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21102050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maniacal_laughter/pseuds/maniacal_laughter
Summary: WoL K'tani fights a personal battle.





	Hang On

K’tani tightened his grip on the iron railing as he peered down at the Crystarium below. Standing at this height had his stomach churning summersaults and his heart thumping nervously.

_You’d die if you fell from here, _whispered that voice in the back of his mind. Keeping it silent was getting harder all the time.

Of course, he would die from here, and now he was thinking about it. But he wouldn’t do it. He had people depending on him. There were ever wars to fight, people to save, and little reasons he had to find to keep on living. Like seeing his friends smile, or G’raha’s ears twitch when he became flustered. G’raha.

A part of K’tani was overjoyed to see the return of his dear friend. He wanted to reach out and show G’raha how much he still cared and sought their companionship, if nothing else. But he couldn’t seem to find the capacity to reach through the numbing, gray bubble he felt enveloped himself. It’d been quite some time since K’tani had felt he was truly surrounded by so many people he cared about, and who cared for him in return, and yet he felt apart from them. Isolated. Different. Empty.

Why did he fight? Because it’d become his only purpose in a life without passion. He’d recognized this truth some time ago and couldn’t find a way to escape the despair that followed. He’d be missed if he acted on impulse. Many would suffer. The Exarch’s century long toil would go to waste, too. So he couldn’t do it. He could not free himself from the darkness gradually consuming his soul.

K’tani had not lost many battles in his life. Some significant ones for sure, but when he died, would the battle against himself be recorded among his losses? How much longer could he keep hanging on? He certainly felt it wouldn’t be long enough to die heroically, but he knew he had to try.

With a heavy exhale, he released his iron grip and stepped back from the fencing. It was like leaving a separate world—one where he lived in his head. The roiling turmoil subsided back into hiding where it would wait to attack him another time. He had to live.

**Author's Note:**

> Me just venting for 20min


End file.
